HC. It’s the Carl’s Jr. Grab Bag Lunch of mountain stages – it is a Triple Thickburger, a Large Fries, a Hot Dog, a Large Soda and a shitty apple desert, choked down while on a bike, all in one day. HC is the one that us mortals, being of feeble leg and amateur ranking (CAT 6, natch), would prefer to take in from the couch, with Phil’s, Paul’s, & Bobko’s English Jambalaya explanations. Sitting here in anticipation of summer, I’m forgoing the relegation of being the bloke stuck in the showers of Roubaix handing out video release waivers for the Rapha filme crewe. I think this one will be different.
I expect my third child to be born on or around the 10th stage of the 100th running of the Gran of GranTours, so of course one can reasonably assume that her or his name will be Saint-Malo Gendarme Robertson. Duh. One can also of course that my usual units of darknacht hill intervals will be replaced with one-hand covering the blogtyping/graphic design duties, while the other hammers out milk administration. It’s concerno null, however, because I am the Colt Seavers of fathering.
Let us prepare you. Superissimo Slacksuits pour Competizione Mediocre are around the corner. We have paired with a scentsmith of the manliest degree to shortly forthcoming offer a summer knee salve that will have crit crowds weeping like the first 8 rows at a Michael Jackson concert. Of course, there will be T-shirts and other things you want but don’t need, and we’ll be working hard to help you justify disregarding that reality.
Gnome, Jimmy Degault III, Jaque Le Coq, Cosmo, the rest of the Superissimo Bataillon de Zizis all sit in wait. It’s an anxiety worthy of celebrity prescription quantities, a summer performance worthy of legalized doping, and a club night sure to leave a supercar wrapped around a telephone pole with a glovebox full of illegals.
In short, let’s get strong. The Classics are over. We’ve been granted a short period of time to heal our eyes and hormone release gland modules from the excitement of a wicked spring season. Time to rest them. Elevate them. Massage them. Summer is coming. Let’s get ready to rando.