What are we left with now that doping has – without any uncertainty whatsoever – been completely and entirely eradicated from the pro peloton? What? You don’t believe the thing about St. Patrick’s magic whistle scaring off all the bloodsnakes from the island of CycleRace? Guffawer.
Superissimo, aka the Créma Süpremá of the Téte, has spotted the hole in the looking badass market. It’s time for a new ‘nache. Maybe, we hope, this new ‘nache will be a resurgence of an old. I say “hope,” because we are investing all of our gigantic küzette profit into a high-secret industry spy (Gerard Vroomen’s night janitor) to collect the data necessary for launching the UCIs next targeted product execution. That’s right. We are going to produce LookingBadass products.
I know. You know. What could look more LookingBadass than generating 13 w/kg up a 13% grade? I know. OH!!! we DO know. Smoking cigs. NOTHING says badass like burning a couple of John Waynes en saddle. Observe:
Given the inevitability of this ‘nache resurgence and the Superissimo’s apex-predator-like market sensibility, we are proud to be hyping the release of what is probably the most important cycling industry innovation since the Spinaci. Coming to market with this laterally stiff, cardiovascularly compliant product is a big move, but we believe in crashing hard like men do.
Introducing: The Superissimo Marlbarro®.
- Industry Standard 31.8 Clamp Diameter to minimize mid-sprint filter-pinch
- Raybestos™ polymer carbine Buttsert available in 3 diameters: Man, Slim, Boutique.
Pre-orders begin directly following the approval of Grecian austerity measures. Stay lit, hang back. It’s going to be a stylish year.